I dont know can i still hold on?
i have enough of my life now.
all i do is pay this pay that.
until half year never go out with friend.
just work and work
in half year i only remember i go out 2 time? or 1 time that all.
no like other.
go out every month.
i feel like going back to past when i was sec 2-3
start at home
playing computer reading book and be alone.
i dun wish to go back.
but do i have the choice for it?
no.
what should i do?
anyway i want put the cbox on my blog but keep fail.
i guess i am useless.
now i keep remember about my past.
my father keep say i am stupid, hopeless and useless then my brother until he passed away.
now is my relative turn.
i keep hear this for 8 year
when can i get out from there?
REALLY WHEN CAN I GET OUT FROM THIS HELL.
Have alot of time i just wanted to jump down.
but i keep think who will take care of my mum and my brother.
only me give mummy money and pay for everything.
in my relative i am just a useless and bad girl.
in my friend heart i am just a bad friend
who keep reject them for not going out.
i keep reject them because i dun have enough cash to go out.
but now they hate me.
and one by one ignore me.
now i feel like a bad girl, i am a bad friend, i am a bad child to my family, my relative and my friend.
how i wish this admin "hell girl" is real so that i can just send myself to hell...

all i can say i dun want to be alive
let pray for korea.
hope 209 people will be found.



All of u asked.
Did i went back to church and why didnt went back to church?
And some of u asked mr i though u say ur church friend will alway be there for u, but i xidnt see u talking with or chat with them, they hate u right. Cause u are betray.
Maybe u are i betray them(?) For not going back to church and give them false hope to coming back to church.
But what can i do. I having work.
I know on weekend i have off.
But i wanted to go back.
This is on my mind they will not answer my phone or reply me
I did sms them but didnt reply
I guess they give up on me
What can i do about it now..
There is nothing i can do.
I guess i go back and listens and just walk back home
All i can do
I know that i will get hater.
Cause they say i am dramtics, act to be poor.
I have question for u!
Do u know me well ?
Do u understand me well?
Do u know what i need?
If u dunno anything please get away from my freaking LIFE.
I REALLY CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE..
They ask why dont go out with ur friend
Why dont go concert with ur friend.
This is what i say.
When i ask them, they say they are busy
But u say because i am drama queen so that they dont want go out with me.
Is that ture?
I really dont know now.
I have ignore alot of time.
What should i do about it.....
Since when i have my freedom?
when father passed away.
i keep working and working.
why they keep say i have enough of my freedom.
they only think about my brother and my mother.
they will never think about me.
they dont even ask me about it.
i keep have this thought,
what am i for this family.
and i to be believe about it.
even alot of people dont believe me.
all i can say i only believe in myself.
i believe what i see.
haix
i really dont what to say now.

I have lost all hope.
i am hopeless.
i am useless.
like what my mum say i am just a useless daughter.
i dunno who am now.
whatever i do is just very hopeless.
how i wish i am dead now.
on Sec 4 i should have jump down.
why they save me.
end up
become hopeless.
i am nothing.
i am just a hopeless daughter, useless daughter
a girl who never study.
not smart like my brother.
whole family love my brother then me.
everything i just keep to myself.
i not going to tweet or post whatever happens to me
or blog what happens to me.
is hopeless.
haha...
no one can help me anyway.
why not i just keep it to myself.
stress myself.
talk to myself.
be happy by myself.
is hopeless to say all this thing.
 I AM JUST A STUPID, HOPELESS AND USELESS GIRL LIKE EVERYONE SAY.
ANYWAY I AM JINX :D

Life is unfair.
but sometime i am think..
there is alot of world like
UNFAIR WORLD
STRESS WORLD
FAKE WORLD
REAL WORLD
which world are u in?

UNFAIR WORLD
 my life is really unfair
my brother can study, can learn car and do anything he want.
not like me
my relative keep say i am elder sister i have work for family only
what is mean of this...
i cant study, i cant learn car i cant do anything i want.
i work so hard is just for them?
i know i am elder i must work for it
but do they know what i want?
what i need?
even i work this much
is still not enough for my family.
next year my brother going to poly.
then what am i?
a useless sister without any cert.


STRESS WORLD
working stress.
family stress,
i forever stay in stress world
i cant even get out for it. T.T


FAKE WORLD
I have alot of fake friend around me..
i forever get betrayed and get forgotten.
they always will forgotten about me.
is the best now i forgotten about them
i have no point to talk with them
waiting for them to reply my text.
they will ignore it.
what for i call them or text them?
i really dun need them to with me anymore.


REAL WORLD
Some of my friend they are True Real Friend
they are always be there for u!
chat with u!
ask u how are u doing? how is work,
but now i very less get this question.
because they are study having exam
not like me.
i have to work only.
there is nothing much i can do.
i even dunno what am i now.
i even dunno what to do now.
i wish can be like the old them
we can chat together,
we can shopping together.
i really missing them.
in my REAL WORLD
only have few best friend and be myself.
there is nothing much i really can do about it.
i can be happy is listens to infinite song and watch infinite video.




PEOPLE WILL CHANGE.
IF I CAN CHANGE.
DUN ASK ME WHY.
CAUSE HUMAN WILL CHANGE WHO THEY ARE.
EVEN I COLD TO ANYONE. \
PLEASE THINK WHAT U DID.
DUN KEEP ASK WHY U ARE COLD TO ME
I HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE BETRAY PEOPLE.
THERE IS NOT POINT FOR ME TO WITH BETRAYER.
I HATE BETRAYER.









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